The Love Triangle That Wasn’t: What Really Happened Between Me, Professor X, and Karl

Note: This is an absolute true story, but names have been changed to protect everyone’s privacy. Also, if you think this story is talking about you, then I advise you to be quiet to not implicate yourself because your name is not mentioned in this story.

Other characters in this absolutely true story:

Down Ass Bitch-AKA “Dab” (high school varsity cheerleader)

Sweet Bella, AKA “Bella” (high school varsity cheerleader and Professor’s girlfriend)

Karine (Fellow cool as hell drumline chick)

_________

For years, I lived under the weight of a misunderstanding that was never mine to carry. It began in high school and followed me all the way to Air Force tech school in Biloxi, Mississippi.

It’s taken me decades to put the pieces together, and even now, I’m still healing from what I can only describe as emotional collateral damage caused by silence, shame, and a love that never spoke its name.

Back in high school, I loved Professor X. Quietly. Fiercely. Honestly.

He never told me how he felt. I told him he mattered to me. I told him I loved him. But in return, I received silence. Deafening silence. When I finally saw him again after expressing my feelings in a letter, he ran away from me—literally. I assumed he thought I was crazy, too much, or a mistake. For years, I carried that shame, believing his silence was a judgment. I believed I was the problem.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized: I wasn’t the villain. I was never the villain.

At tech school in Biloxi, I ran into Dab—a girl I recognized from high school. She was friends with Bella, Professor X’s girlfriend at the time. I said hello. Her response? The nastiest look I’ve ever received in my life. I was stunned. Confused. Hurt. I had no idea why she treated me like that. I’ve never spoken to Dab or Bella before. They were both varsity cheerleaders, so everyone knew them. But they didn’t necessarily know me, as I was pretty quiet, shy and stayed to myself.

Bella knew me. We were in Band together and I played with her boyfriend Professor X. But I never spoke to Bella out of respect for her and Professor X. It might have been love at first sight for him. But it took exactly 2 months to be completely into him. In secret.

You see I am a Black woman. A Black girl then. And Professor is White.

Now at this particular high school that wasn’t a big deal, as Black girls were dating everyone: Asians, White guys, Black men, Mexicans, etc. Everybody. And as a racially traumatized Black girl that came from a different school, that was incredibly healthy for me to see. However, it became a problem for me when I accidently fell in love with Professor. And this time Professor returned feelings. Yikes. Whatever am I to do with that at the age of 15?

Well, this is where Karl comes in to help. Karl is also White. And Karl and Professor are close. We are all in the same band section together: percussion and drumline. So, year round we spent a lot of time together.

Karl, liked me and I had no idea. Because I was incredibly naïve, traumatized from incidents from my previous school and shut down as much as possible to protect myself from further harm.

Karl apparently, as my saxophonist Korean Flava friend claimed, loved me.

However, it seemed that Karl was conflicted about loving a unambiguously Black girl like me. And he had some hater-aide for Professor. He loved Professor. But he was jealous of the Professors unabashed affection for me. A love Karl was to racially biased to expressed.

Mr. Karl would tell me racist jokes mixed with his flirtations with me. To me he was saying: I think you’re hot, but you are too Black for me to take seriously. And me coming from a racist school system prior to my arrival at the new school accepted that with no problem. I get it. Which is very sad, I recognize. But it was the early 1990’s in Texas. And I grew up in a less progressive much smaller, white dominant suburban Texas town in the 1980’s. So, you can guess the level of racism I had to deal with as a shy, “sweet”, quiet, Black girl.

So, entering the 10^th grade at a new school because of my father’s new job, the school is much more urban (bigger city), diverse, populous and much less racist As a matter of fact, I think Karl was the odd man out, having un checked racial issues. Everyone else was dating whoever they liked.

But not me. I was gate kept and didn’t know it.

I felt my feelings for Professor until I confided with Karl. I was in a pickle because I could not get rid of these feelings, meanwhile Professor and Bella are together. Yikes. So, I told Karl my feelings about Professor in confidence and Karl lost his mind. Which, at the time was confusing. What is going on?

After Karl lost his mind, shuffling down the hall and around the corner, then spinning to come back with his head down as if someone told him his dog died and left him with 6 puppies to care for on his own, he told me to “forget” Professor X as if I’m not standing right beside the man on the snare line every day.

Karl said Professor only like White cheerleaders and you are not one. So, forget it. I was like…ok. I asked Karl, “So does that mean I’m not good enough for Professor?” And Karl said, “No. Quite the opposite.” Which, again, confused me.

So, I began to wonder: why is everyone suddenly hating on Professor?

Karl.

I believe Karl set Professor and Bella up together to keep the Professor away from me. Because Karl wanted me for himself, but didn’t have the balls to say so. So, he cock blocked Professor. And treated him like he needed “help” finding the “appropriate” girl which is a White cheerleader. So, he used Bella. He used Bella. And set the Professor up to use her too. And then made me look like the trifling ho that came between them once they broke up over a letter, I wrote Professor X after he graduated high school.

Or did Professor X throw me under the bus?

When I wrote and sent that letter letting Professor know I loved him and how confused I was about his feelings, I wasn’t even sure if Professor and Bella were still together. I had moved to Georgia and attended Marietta High School the first semester of my senior years during my parents’ separation.  So, I didn’t know what was going on back in my hometown in Arlington, Texas.

Also, typically when one goes off to college to leave the other in high school, they tend to break up due to schedule and lifestyle differences. I was hoping, nervously, for a response, but I got none.

I found out they were still together when I decided I wanted to graduate with my peers I’ve been with since the 10^th grade and not with some strangers I just met all the way in Georgia. I moved back to Arlington and lived with my dad so I can graduate at my old school. And that’s when I found out Bella and the Professor were still together. Yikes.

When I sent that letter the summer of 1993, after the Professor graduated and I moved to Georgia with my mother, I got what I needed to get off my chest off my chest. But I was hoping for a response and for clarity from Professor. But I got none.

If he sent a letter back to me, I never received it.  

I found out, by observation and hearing whispers that they are still together. Yikes.  It would have been nice to have gotten that information for Professor.

So, when I saw Professor at our final spring concert-and he saw me-and he literally ran, I was confused. Why is he running. What did I write in that letter that scared the shit out of him.

At the age of 40-something, I finally realized that it wasn’t me. It was him. He lied and made it seem like I was the girl who came between he and Bella-or at least he didn’t stop people from believing that.

He threw me under the bus in that he allowed everyone to believe that I am the one who wrecked He and Bella’s relationship.

The truth? I didn’t even know I mattered that much to Professor. He never told me I did. I walked in on a conversation between he and Karine one day. Karine TOLD the Professor, “You love Dee.” I walked in just as that was said during a drumline practice break. And I nearly left my body. Because-once I again I was in disbelief and confused. If he loves me then why did he never tell me? Is it my skin color. Or did Karl tell him he can’t tell me because of my skin color? Because Karl wanted me but didn’t pursue me because of my skin color?

All this trauma I had to bear just because I fell in love with a young man who happened to be White. The betrayals. The covert racism. The projected shame all parties made me bear. Because no one spoke the truth out loud.

If Professor had been honest, none of this would have happened.

If he had told me how he felt… if he had had the courage to face me instead of running… if he had protected my name instead of preserving his image… maybe the truth wouldn’t have been so distorted. Maybe the cheerleaders wouldn’t have looked at me like I was trash. Maybe I wouldn’t have carried so much undeserved shame for so long.

But the deeper layer of this story is Karl.

Karl, who positioned himself as Professor’s advisor, telling him who he should date. Karl, who told Professor to be with Bella because she is White, a cheerleader, and familiar. Karl, who was quietly in love with me but couldn’t deal with it—couldn’t face what that meant for his own racial identity or his own insecurities.

Karl sabotaged us.

He told Professor he wasn’t good enough for me. That I was out of reach. That he should settle for someone “safer,” someone “easier,” someone more acceptable to their social circle. What he didn’t say out loud—but what his actions screamed—was that my (according to Karl) my Blackness was the disqualifier. And so, he steered Professor towards Bella, who happened to be the younger sister of his own high school crush, Brielle who was a year ahead of Karl and had graduated before her little sister Bella started her sophomore year there.

Professor apparently listened to Karl. Insecurities at play and kept playing over the years, I guess. Or anger. Blame. Shame perhaps.

He chose someone who made Karl comfortable, not someone who made his heart feel at home.

But the thing about true love is—it lingers. And I believe, despite everything, Professor loved me. I saw how he looked when Karine confronted him with the church. He blushed and turned into a sweet, 8-year-old boy that probably played with to trains or something. Very sweet. Knocked over by a feather. That was real. That image burned into my mind and heart. I could never forget it no matter how hard I tried. It will never go away.

This unspoken energy trickled down, hurting people in ways I never considered before. I didn’t think I mattered that much to be part of a “love triangle” that hurt innocent people. I’m sure Bella was hurt. I’m sure, Dab, who loved Bella, was confused and angry.

And I was shamed unfairly and in secret.

And Professor? I think he’s still hiding—from me, from the truth, from himself.

Because to this day, he’s never admitted what really happened. Not to me. Not to anyone.

So here I am, finally telling the truth I’ve carried in silence for too long:

I didn’t steal anyone’s boyfriend.

I didn’t break up anyone’s relationship.

I simply loved a boy who couldn’t love me out loud.

And another boy who loved me too, Karl, couldn’t admit it to himself because I didn’t fit the mold he was told he should desire. So instead of choosing honesty, he chose sabotage. And now, years later, the wreckage of that silence still echoes.

It still echoes…

This isn’t about high school drama. This is about what happens when racism, insecurity, and cowardice go unchecked in relationships. When Black girls are told they’re “too X” to love in public. When we are made to feel invisible and yet somehow blamed for everything.

I didn’t know I mattered to Professor. But I did.

And that knowledge is both liberating and heartbreaking.

So, to everyone who’s ever been silenced, shamed, or sidelined in someone else’s love story: You deserve truth. You deserve clarity. And you deserve to be loved out loud.